crap!

I keep living my life like it is a fucking love story. I am STILL talking to AL. He is STILL with his gf. He has since confessed that he did and maybe does love me. He tells me he misses me and when I ask he admits he still feels it with me. However as of the other night when I asked him what was his plan he says he is not thinking about any of it at all right now. I asked what was he planning on doing. Dating her until they broke up and then worry about him and I? I said I would always feel like second place. So he tells me he isn' thinking about any of that. Which to me implies that he hasn't a fucking clue what he is doing in the new relationship. But I think that is a crock of shit. They had an argument a week ago and he seemed pretty upset that they may be breaking up. Plus they see each other every fucking week! So obviously yet again he is misleading me. Well I had told him that sometimes I feel like he is my other half. After he told me the previous shit I told him I take that back. Yes I love him and honestly I think he may be one of the great loves of my life. But I just have to walk away. I will never trust him with my heart. I will always fear that he will get scared again and be looking for someone new. He will never love me as deep as I want. I think that is why he ended it. Yeah he got scared. Because what we had was real love and it was going somewhere. I guess he likes this girl but she's 23. I highly doubt thinking on the same level as me. She is just easier and I am harder. But I can't settle. I love him and care deeply for him. But I will never have enough. It will never really be enough. I just don't know where to go from here. I can't stop talking to him. I love talking to him. We saw each other this past week and it was nice. A bit awkward at first but by the end it was good. Except I know his gf would not be very happy with us hanging out. And in honesty she shouldn't be. I;m in love with her bf! Plus he is telling me he loves me and misses me while he is with her. The issue is also it is effecting my dating life. I wanna move on but I can't seem to get the idea of the new guy not being AL. Plus the other night he fucking told me I should go out with some dude. I really don't know what to do. I cried a lot tonight, but I didn't and won't text him. A) he is with his gf and B) I want him to think I am finally moving on. I need to move on. He has put a hold on "us". I just wish I could do the same.