The latest

I feel like all I do is bitch about ex bf's/ Oh well. Let's add another one to the list. We will call him Al. So we met on eharmony at the end of June. We met each other about 2 weeks after we started talking. We hit it off pretty quick. I wonder now if it was just lust. But at the time and now some days I wonder if we really did have something. Pretty much July, August, and September were pretty good months. Things definitely fizzled out in October. He ended it with me on 10/21. I found out on 10/31 he had started dating a new girl as of 10/24. So yeah he was talking to her while we were dating. Al broke up with me because he couldn't handle a relationship right now. So explain why he is in one now? Pretty much I was and really to be honest still am heart broken. I knew he wasn't my soul mate or my romeo. But I liked him and really enjoyed having him around. I wish we could still be together. I am tired of everyone telling me to leave him alone and that he is bad for me. I agree in someways. But he was also very good for me. I miss what we had. I miss the fun we had and the person I was with him. I was carefree and young. He was younger btw. I laughed when he would call me a hoe or bitch. I enjoyed just drinking and escaping the world together. He wasn't looking for serious and that is why he left. Deep down at the end of the day I need serious. I need to be loved and I need my man around. Al would disappear on me for 48 hours and not contact me. He would get mad at me when I would be upset about that. These last few days have been bad. We talked on Sun/Mon and we were very flirty. I honestly thought to myself as we hung up....wow we might get back together. Then Mon, Tues, Wed and now Thursday he has COMPLETELY ignored me. I sent him a few text saying we are done. So he probably doesn't want to talk to me. As I am typing this I thought I want to text him. But as I type Ive decided not to. At least not for a few days. Maybe I just need some time away from him and I will start to see life without him isn't so bad. Idk. I also realize that when one person still loves the other, a normal friendship is near impossible. I wait for him to call or text me. I am not over him and until I am I just don't see how I can be any different. I feel like I still treat him like my bf. He's not. So I need to let him live his life and do whatever he wants. And I do not need to let someone have that hold on me. So I think space is a great thing right now. As I said we will see what happens.