Well AL and I had a break for about 2 weeks. I was actually starting to get over him and I was seeing someone. Well that relationship ended super quick and I decided to see how AL was doing. That was just this past Saturday. Well he was with a friend so he couldn't talk. He called me Sunday and we talked a lot that day. Things between him and his gf had been going good until recently where they were bad again. I tried to stay away from anything romantic with him. Well we ended up meeting for coffee that night. It was a good time, normal like usual. Until the end where I got gloomy because of my recent break up. AL struggled to tell me something and I still don't know what it was. But I think it was something about how good I was. I was mad that it seems like I am never enough for anyone. So idk. Anyways he got super close to my face as if teasing me to kiss him. He did that several times and every time I told him to stop it. I was crazy frisky at that point and so was he. So I bolted to my car and said see ya later lol Monday night he calls me and is in a bad mood. I am sure him and his gf were fighting. Several times he told me in coded ways that he loved me. Ok so then he had to go to the ER on Tuesday night, he had some bad back pain. We talked for a little bit Tuesday night and I knew I was getting back to that place where I was falling again. Wed night I was super depressed because I knew it was his day off and that meant gf time. So I layed there in bed and cried. I cried for a long time. I have been depressed all day today and yesterday. Tonight I went and bought 3 bottles of wine just to not be so focused on him. I only ended up drinking one bottle. I had decided ok no more drama. Telling him off again and this time sticking by it is the only solution. I tried to call him several times and I am back to being blocked because it goes straight to his voicemail. Well I decided to stalk his gf on FB. I know pathetic. Any who on Valentine's Day there is a card from him to her. And in that card is a personal message of how much he is lucky she is in his life and how much he loves her.
Speechless
Still speechless
I dialed his number and left a voicemail saying to never contact me again and to just forget me. I didn;t mention what I had found. Because naturally you love your bf/gf. But how can he say the same thing to another woman (me) and not see there is a problem there. How the fuck can he say he loves me all the while he is with his gf telling her the same story? I thought I loved him and yes I know I do. But I can not let this happen anymore. Tonight right now has to be it. I currently have his number on block and right now I never wanna see him again. I have no idea what the future holds but in some way I hope he is not in it. Its beyond the point of why wasn't I enough. Because I know I am just too much. I was too nice and sweet to him. He couldn't handle that kind of love. He needs the kind of love that he has to prove himself to his gf. He has to buy her things to impress her then he feels more like a man. They are kids and I am a woman. Now I just need to start acting like a strong woman. Here's to that!
